Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i dont even know how to be here
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Never underestimate the power of titties
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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