apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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