bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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