I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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