hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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