She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
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