She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
