ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize