Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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