I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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