Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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