He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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