I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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