Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
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