well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Randomize