Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
