I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I met the friendliest cop last night
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
