Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
