doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
