Betty ford says i'm here all night
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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