All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
