ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
