The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
