Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
