I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
