Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
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