i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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