I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
