Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
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