How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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