Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
