o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
So much rum. So many feels.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
