I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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