so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I got inside last night via doggy door
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
i think i just lost a toe
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
