There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
