Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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