Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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