So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
