I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
