Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
