I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
