I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
