kristin has been a bad kristin
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
