Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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