The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
