just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
