I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
