If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
