Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I hope mine doesn't look like that
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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