I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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