I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
