i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize