Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
