i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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