White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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