Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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