I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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