Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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