i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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