just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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