he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
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