Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
