I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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