Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
