We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
