Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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