If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize