Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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